Burlington High School

by Sarah G.

Dear Jane,
My cold black soul is crying out. My endless wait for winter came to an end when the first snow fell, and my heart was finally at piece. However, life is so cruel. It has been barely cold at all for every month of the season, and still I wait for the frost to finally envelop the land.
You see, I cannot thrive in a world filled with heat. My frosty aura extinguishes any life I come into contact with. I yearn for the season of the dead, when my loneliness is no longer such a great burden to bear. And yet, the chill simply will not come. Please help me.
From the depths of despair,
Crying Kirsten

Dear Emo Kirsten,
Sounds like you have a bad case of the melodramatic. First of all, you might want to drive over to Hot Topic, buy yourself something nice, and write some depressing poetry if you haven’t already. You seem like the type. No shame though, being stuck in the year 2000 is camp.
Really, though, there’s nothing you can do about global warming. Maybe invest in an AC. Also, if things are randomly dying around you because of some “aura”, that’s a little concerning and I think you should see a doctor. Sorry I couldn’t help more!
With love,
Jane