BURLINGTON

 by Lyra Codney
The rivalry has begun here in the BHS Newspaper staff. Currently, the staff is trying to take away my title as the BEST Newspaper Staff to Ever Exist. For example, I’m the only one with an original name.
   Now, why am I the best? For starters, I’m the funniest person in the class and the most entertaining. It was my idea to write about this topic and create the competition. I'm also relatable to the community because of my inability to grammar.

However, why am I better than the others? Hawley doesn’t even hold a candle to me. She is just an off brand, less amusing me that thinks she's funnier than she is. Also, there is Teagan, the mom of newspaper. She never lets mess around and actually makes me do my work.
   Then there is the other two members, Allie and Sarah. Allie is just not as cool as me and is too good at writing; therefore, she is my enemy. As for Sarah, we're not super close, so I'm better than her. 

by Teagan Harris
   There’s been a lot of drama within the Newspaper staff recently. As writers do, we all want to tbe the best. I’m here to set the record straight. 
   It really is obvious if you just think about it, even briefly. I am the glue that holds the Newspaper class together. Without me, it is likely that absolutely nothing would get written, placed, or printed. 

I tend to make most of the important decisions, as well as keep everyone in line when Hawley decides to forgo getting work done in favor of goofing off with Lyra. In the others’ cases, their personal flaws just boost my superiority even higher. Lyra can not write a sentence to save her life, Allie is short and likes to argue with me, and Sarah is too shy to even speak to intervewees for stories. None of them can even begin to hold a candle to me.
   It is truly just incomprehensable that anyone would believe I am anything short of the best. As i reign over the rest of the staff, I find myself beloved by the rest of the school. The absolute icing on the top of this ego-inducing cake, though, is that I am undeniably Michael’s favorite. 

by Allie Harris
   Of all the newspaper staff, I, Allie Harris am clearly the best. In fact, even the other staff members agree, having referred to me as “running the newspaper” on multiple occasions despite me not being an editor. My knowledge, expertise, and dedication are what make me the greatest addition to the team.
   The other staffers need to be taken down a peg first, though. My beloved Lyra Codney may have some great ideas to put on the table, but she unfortunately does not even know the parts of speech. Teagan Harris frequently forgets to put assignments in the drive, and Sarah Gifford always has at least one story or filler that she doesn’t turn in until almost a week after being due. Hawley is just a bit of a loser.

   As for my amazing qualities, I am always the one hounding others to get their work turned in. I am always the one that puts the next issue’s folder in the drive without being prompted. I’m also the only non-editor that does two pages for layout.
   I’m also straightforward and reliable. My satire is hilarious, and my cartoons are to die for. As the backbone of the newspaper staff, I absolutely deserve the title of Best Newsie.

by Sarah Gifford
   I am the best person on the newspaper staff. Everyone loves me. I may not talk enough for them to know, but I am the strongest one there; that’s a fact. 
   I will admit, I may not be the best person on the staff but at least I never bug everyone, or waste their time with meaningless conversations. I just sit in my seat and live in my own world while listening to music. Plus, I have some of the best drawings. 
 

   Now, I am going to tell you why they all suck. Hawley always has something to say about Government class. Teagan thinks too highly of herself. Allie is extremely controlling. Lyra literally never stops talking about herself. 
    I'm better, though. I'm not cocky and I don't spread gossip from the newspaper class. Frankly, I'm so funny. 

by Madison Hawley
  We, as the newspaper staff, can be a bit of an odd bunch. We all have are strengths and our weaknesses. Some of us, though, are just better, and I am the superior “Newsie.”
   I have great vibes, being able to accomplish work quick while having a great time. I actually know how to use the English language and all my parts of speech (nouns, articles, verbs, adjectives, and even gerunds). I would say I am the glue of establishment, calming the anxious seas of deadlines and bringing unity to the group.

   Now, I will tell you why the others could never be as good as me. Lyra is a close second in the good vibes category, but she simply does not know what a verb is or how to write a sentence. Teagan and Allie are go-to people to get stuff done, but the sisterly bickering can get out of hand fast. Sarah is nice to everyone, but the entirety of the staff has to push her to not be shy and actually interview people for stories. Teagan claims to be the glue, but she’s too stressed all the time to keep the vibes going on her own.  We all love each other, but everyone loves me the most. 
   I am also the tallest of the staff members. That clearly makes me superior. Also, my transitions are on point and I am Michael’s actual favorite.